TDTL Day 23: The Last Person You Kissed

Dear D,

You were my first kiss. You were also my last kiss (romantic, I mean. I can’t really remember which family member or very close friend I last simply kissed on the cheek in greeting or farewell or congratulations or any of that). That sounds really lame, because we broke up so long ago. You were also my last boyfriend. It was after you broke up with me that things started going a little downhill for me health-wise, although I didn’t realize it until just a couple years ago. I just kind of gave up. I don’t really think I really had a broken heart. I feel like I got over the initial sting too fast for it to be a legitimately broken heart. Maybe just a slightly cracked heart. Whatever happened, I just seemed to give up after you. It would probably take some painful talking/writing/therapy to really figure out the why and it just doesn’t seem to matter as much anymore.

Perhaps I lost my confidence. I was never a huge instigator in romantic or potentially romantic relationships. You kissed me first, not the other way around. I don’t remember who instigated the last kiss, but it was probably you too. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve wanted to kiss other guys since you. I just feel stupid starting it. Who knows? Maybe now that I’m getting control of my life again I’ll find someone else. Maybe my confidence will grow and I’ll instigate something in a relationship for once. Whatever happens, thanks for being my first kiss. I just hope you’re not also my last for much longer.

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